goodbye

Dear Mom,

I forgive you.
I forgive you for not being there when I needed you.
I forgive you for putting too much on my shoulders.
I forgive you for leaving.
I forgive you for the pills.
I forgive you for the embarrassment.
I forgive you for the secrets.
I forgive you for the lies.
I forgive you for the alcohol.

I forgive you for all the addictions.

I forgive you for forcing my hand; for making me choose to not have you at my wedding.
I forgive you for choosing alcohol over me.
I forgive you for breaking my trust when I allowed you back in my life.
I forgive you for what you said.
I forgive you for what you did.
I forgive you for the pain we all felt.
I forgive you for it all.

But I have to say goodbye.

Goodbye because I have no more forgiveness.
Goodbye because it breaks my heart.
Goodbye because you won’t talk about it.
Goodbye because you aren’t ready to seek help.
Goodbye because I have nothing left.
Goodbye because it’s what’s best for me.

I’m still hopeful.

Hopeful things will change one day.
Hopeful you’ll talk about it.
Hopeful you’ll get help.

But today I’m saying goodbye.

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