1. not affected by alcohol; not drunk.
December 14, 2017: I got all dolled up and headed to our work Holiday Party. These things make me uncomfortable, so I rushed to the bar and grabbed a glass of wine. More and more people start to arrive, and I finish my glass and grab another. I continue this until the discomfort fades. I feel fine, but then it all hits me like a ton of bricks. I’m too fuzzy, I’m too friendly, I’m too stumble-y. You see I drank fast, too fast. I couldn’t tell you how many glasses of wine I had. I couldn’t tell you what I said or what time we left. The night is a blur. What’s not a blur? Getting home, unable to make it to the bathroom and vomiting into a pot (the closest thing Richard could grab). All of this while my sister and friend were sleeping over, so queue that extra layer of embarrassment. It’s like an out of body experience, I can’t remember the bar, but I remember sitting on the bedroom floor hunched over that pot. I finally think I’m okay to go to bed. Nope. Rushes to bathroom, vomits for hours. Alarm goes off first thing in the morning, and I feel like death. We head to the airport a little later that morning and I still want to die. I’ve never felt worse. I get to Florida, and I’m still feeling sick. The next day, still not feeling myself. I try to have a glass of wine at dinner, and I can’t, it’s just too difficult. This is the last time I was drunk.
December 13, 2018: I get dolled up and headed to our work Holiday Party. These things still make me uncomfortable, but I do my best to mingle clutching onto my water. What’s funny is I’m probably drinking the water at the same rate I was drinking the wine last year. The more uncomfortable I get, the more water I drink. I say my hellos, I eat my dinner, I hang out with the people I enjoy talking to, and then I head home early. I’m in bed by 10PM, and I’m at work by 7:30AM and I feel good.
It’s been a year since I stopped drinking. I talked about that decision in a previous blog post: Sober. I recommend you check that out as I go into more details around my fears, and why I decided to ultimately stop drinking.
I wanted to update you on what has changed and how the year has gone.
For starters, the peer pressure has mostly stopped. I tell people why I don’t drink, I encourage them to read what I wrote, and I’m just very open with why I stopped. I think being open and honest helps people understand. Plus, you can’t pressure someone for a full year to drink? I mean you could, but you’d just be an insensitive jerk at that point. So, the 3rd degree has stopped, and that is a nice feeling.
Uncomfortable situations, something I talk about often…Well, I’m still attending weddings, parties, and work events, and I’m getting through them sober. I might leave a little earlier than I used to. And if I’m being honest I might not be having as much fun as I used to, during those events, but I’m okay with that. In fact, I’m more than okay with that. The “fun” I was having before is not the type of fun I want to have. I’m no longer embarrassed of how I acted or plagued with drinker’s remorse. I’m now doing and saying things with a clear mind. I’m doing more things that make me happy.
Do I ever regret my decision not to drink? Nope can’t say I have. Sometimes I think it would be easier to drink to ease my anxiety, but that’s why I stopped in the first place. I couldn’t continue to drink just because I was anxious or uncomfortable. I’m really happy with my decision. It was the right move for me, and the life I want to live.
Sometimes people are worried that their drinking might be bothering me, and I’m here to say it isn’t. I’m a firm believer in doing whatever it is that makes YOU happy. As long as you are not doing harm to yourself or others that is. If you enjoy wine tasting, a nice cold beer, or straight up whiskey after a hard day. That’s okay. Do what makes you feel good. For me, if wasn’t making me feel good.
Life is too short, and I don’t want to do things that don’t make me feel good.
So a year has come and gone, and I’m happy to report – I’m doing well 🙂
Thank you for listening to my journey!