dear diary: i miss richard

Every time Richard is away, I can’t help but to think about all the single parents out there. You see, we don’t have kids, and yet when he’s gone I feel like I’m constantly running around like a chicken with its head cut off. The idea of having a child on top of that, just boggles the mind.

So, before I go further, moms, dads, anyone that’s going at it alone, you’re doing great! *insert big hug*

Richard is in the military, and with that comes some challenges, almost all schedule challenges. We miss out on events, anniversaries, weddings, and have to revolve any vacation around his schedule. I’ve mostly gotten used to this, but on occasion it can be, frustrating, to say the least.

“You knew what you were getting into”
“This is a sacrifice that you should understand”
“It could be worse, he could be gone longer”

People are so kind, aren’t they? I hear this a lot. And it’s all true, I knew about this, I knew the commitment he has to the military, and I knew what that meant for our life. I also know it could be worse, as we have friends that are deployed. I am allowed to have feelings though, right? I’m allowed to be frustrated when my husband is away? I’m allowed to be irritated when I’m having to do everything alone? When you say things like that, I feel like you’re saying, “shut up, be a good a good little army wife”. It’s not nice, so don’t.

The first few days he’s away, it’s actually great. (Sorry, Richard, I know you’re reading this) It gives me time to do a deep clean of the house, and you know what’s amazing, it stays clean! It also gives me a little alone time, to read, write, do whatever I need to. But as the days go on, it’s starts to get difficult. We have 4 animals, so I’m now waking up early to care for them, and always rushing back home to let them out. Hiring walkers for extra days where Richard used to be there, so there’s that extra financial burden. I work an hour away from home, so being so far creates its challenges. I can never stay late after work to go out with friends, or workout for a little longer. I can’t call home and say I’ll be late, because he’s not there.

The grocery shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, the tending to the house and our tenant, the dogs, the cats, the volunteer work, it’s all on me. And it can be a lot.

But I make it work, and chug along.

For some reason, 2 weeks in, I start getting paranoid. Like I have some stalker, who has just realized Richards away, and is going to make his move. I realize that this sounds insane, but nighttime is the worst. I give a little pep talk to the dogs before I go to bed “Make sure you protect me in my sleep”. Anytime Cane barks, because he hears something outside, I’m like this is it. It’s happening.

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Cane: My little protector

And the workweek might be stressful, with running around, but at least I’m staying busy. Once the weekend hits, it just feels lonely. This Sunday, I went to breakfast by myself, and hit the hardware store on the way home. Things we typically do together because Sunday is breakfast and work on the house day, but now I’m forced to do them alone. Which is fine, I can, but it’s not the same.

When your loved one’s travel, for whatever the reason, it can just suck for those of us left at home. In times like this, I wish my family lived closer. I know having them around would make me feel less lonely.

Excuse me here, as I see this is turning into a super “complain-y” blog, but I’m hitting those 2 weeks blues and we still have 4 weeks to go!

Ugh. Wish me luck on the remainder of the time.

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Chance keeping Richard’s spot warm

3 thoughts on “dear diary: i miss richard

  1. ❤ I feel you Alicia. Definitely get the stalker vibe when Dave's away too 😦

    Like

  2. I miss Richard too.

    Like

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